Catch
A Cheating Spouse
7 Legitimate Motives for Spying
Catch
A Cheating Lover
A step-by-step guide to catching your spouse fast.
by Dr. Robert Huizenga
Should you spy on your cheating
husband or wife? You believe you see signs of a cheating spouse. The need
to know whether your spouse is cheating and EXACTLY what kind of cheating
is taking place is often strong. There are a number of reasons why the
drive to spy is powerful. Here are seven:
1. Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably
for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the
change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted your cheating
husband or cheating wife and it was met with denial. This created a huge
dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn't
fit! I don't believe it! To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth,
creates a tremendous internal turmoil. If the truth as you suspect it
is confirmed, you can take a deep breath and at least know that you can
trust yourself. You are NOT CRAZY! Spying is a way to confirm your suspicions
and trust more fully your gut feelings.
2. Spying on cheating husbands or cheating wives often helps the
person feel connected to the partner who seems to be steadily moving away.
It is a way of maintaining contact and having some sort of connection
to this stranger who once was well known. Isn’t it like the game of hide-and-seek
we used to play as children? Sometimes there, sometimes gone. At least
it is a game, and a game is at least some contact, some involvement. You
miss the connection and try to find someway to maintain the ties.
3. Spying on a cheating spouse may be an honest attempt to bring
resolution to the relationship. You want to know the truth. You sense
something does not fit. You suspect there is a breach of something. You
want to know what you are up against. You are not willing to stand pat
and wait. You are a person of action. You want some sort of movement.
You want to get on with the relationship. You want to get on with your
life. You know that it is difficult maintaining your sanity when there
might be this huge elephant that no one is talking about. You want to
know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free.
4. Cheating husbands or cheating wives often, unfortunately, lead
to the demise of marital relationships. If you strongly suspect this to
be true for your situation you will want to protect yourself legally.
If there is betrayal, lying and deception regarding a third party, other
forms of deception may exist financially or in other areas of the relationship.
Having “evidence” does have some impact in some court systems. Whether
you need to protect yourself legally depends on the kind of affair facing
you and the character of your spouse. Please read through my “7 Reasons
For an Affair” to determine the situation that faces you. If your
spouse is someone who can’t say no, doesn’t want to say no or is acting
out rage, please make sure to take protective steps.
5. You may want to protect yourself medically if you suspect you
have a cheating husband or wife. You might be concerned about sexually
transmitted diseases. Your health may be at stake. And, of course, you
need to know. Shame, guilt or self-absorption may be so powerful in your
partner that it gets in the way of responsibly informing you of the medical
dangers when another partner is sexually brought into your relationship.
6. Seeing signs of a cheating spouse often mean secrets. Secrets
are work! There is not much written about the impact of a secret in a
relationship, but believe me, in over two decades of working with strained
relationships day in and day out, keeping a secret has a powerful impact.
It is the proverbial elephant sitting in the room that no one dare talk
about. People take extraordinary measures to tip toe around it, but it
IS there. Emotionally, you can’t miss it. Secrets are a drain. If the
secret persists, its impact is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People
become physically ill, sometimes seriously so. People become depressed.
People start doing crazy things. Children start acting out, stop achieving,
become listless or exhibit a host of other symptoms. Children, or the
next generation, often carry the emotional load. You want to spy because
you don’t want to live with a secret. You want to discover the truth.
You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity
it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive
life.
7. Some of us like drama. Soap opera scenarios and adrenaline based
lives are a hallmark of our society. We get juiced or pumped up entering
into emotional relational triangles that offer intrigue. Without adrenaline,
life seems boring or mundane. Perhaps an unspoken reason for an affair
may be to fan the fire? Or, you may spy on your cheating spouse to keep
the sense of being alive a part of your life.
Partner
Cheating?
Learn all of the tricks and techniques to discover the truth
about your spouse
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